I counted up how many jobs I've had since I started working at 13 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm up to about 33 jobs now. I feel like there is not many people who have a stronger work ethic than I do; no, sorry, I KNOW there's not many people with a work ethic like mine. I've had hundreds of coworkers and I've seen what's out there. I KNOW. And if you have had coworkers, I'm sure you know, too.... Unless you're the lazy coworker the rest of us are thinking about...
I can't attribute one singular thing to my work ethic and where it came from, but I was homeschooled and basically self-taught from 5th grade up. I learned to work as quickly and efficiently as possible so I could go do whatever else I wanted for the day after my classes. I also found out at an EARLY age that I'm insanely money-motivated and a chronic people pleaser. I always wanted to make the people I worked for happy and I felt like I had to REALLY earn my paycheck. The first "official" job I had was with a woman who house cleaned for a living and she influenced me a lot! She worked herself to the bone and was very proud of that fact and bragged a lot about how hard she worked and that she never took naps or sat down. I felt like that was what I needed to do, too, since that is what I was taught.
So I worked my butt off. I would have multiple jobs at once. In college I would take as many classes as I could and have the maximum number of student worker hours, too. I would get up at 4am sneak off to get breakfast, walk to work, work until it was time for classes and then go to classes and study until I passed out at 11pm or so. I eat SO FAST to save time. Even when I got an avulsion fracture and a doctor told me I might not ever be able to run again on my ankle, I went to work the next day as a waitress and cashier - on crutches. I had to be DELIRIOUSLY sick to take off or stay in bed. So often though I would just crash, much to my shame. I would crash out and feel so guilty about it. I got sick ALL the time. I found out I had cancer. And I took off just long enough to get a surgery, some treatments, then I went back to work and school. I did not think I was supposed to rest. Resting was for the weak people, the lazy people, the BAD and morally unkempt people.
I continued to give my everything to my work, but slowly things started to catch my attention.
#1. Bosses do NOT care. They will run you into the ground and then hire somebody new while your body is still turning cold in the grave. I've had bosses who would know I was going through terrible, trying circumstances such as a grandmother's death, trying to get to work in an ice storm and almost wrecking (most businesses closed down - not this print shop! He actually yelled at me for being 5 minutes late), hitting a deer on the way to work, etc. and they would only point out what I didn't do for them or where I was failing in productivity. No concern for my wellbeing AT ALL. Welcome to the American Dream, right? Where you're expected to give notice for anything, ASK for time off and maybe not get it, have loyalty and work overtime if needed, but they will drop you like a bad habit if they want to and refuse to pay you what you should be paid unless you threaten to leave.
#2. Every milestone or celebration in my family that I missed, I was never going to get that back. My nieces, nephews, family, and friends would always be so disappointed because I was always having to work so I didn't make it to so many things, so many birthday parties, reunions, etc. And now I look back at their pictures and it's glaringly obvious that I was not there. Sometimes I would be so freaking exhausted I just wouldn't go because I really wanted to just sleep. I missed so much. There are no redo's for 1st birthday parties. If you missed it - you missed it.
You know what I didn't miss? Work. I sat through useless meetings, I did my job and other people's jobs, too, who were productivity challenged, and I never said no to working late.
#3. Sick ALL the time. I literally would have a cold, an infection, a sore throat, a bug, a migraine, etc. at almost any point. Constantly, chronically sick. A doctor told me I had chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and he was surprised I was even able to walk into his office and I surprised him further by letting him know I held down a full-time job. I never had energy, I just made myself go. Like dragging a corpse around and waving its arms to make it appear alive - Weekend at Bernie's style - that was my life. I would sit in my car and bawl my eyes out or sleep on my breaks no matter how hot or cold it was outside, because I was so freaking tired.
#4. Compensation is never equal to my work ethic or even my expertise and experience. So you must be thinking I was ROLLING in money with how hard I worked and how skilled and efficient I became, right? WRONG. Corporate America is rigged against women and I know that and can testify to it from firsthand experience. "But it's illegal not to give equal pay due to gender!" Do you think that bothers a boss at all if he thinks he can get away with it? (Go back to my first point for the answer) If you have the money or energy to get a lawyer and go through the red tape and the following consequences to either stay at a job with a boss that is actively trying to make you miserable enough to leave, or find a job that will take you after you sued a former employer, DO IT. I didn't have that, I wish I could have, they clearly deserved to be sued. I've had bosses (even women) who acted like I was being ridiculous and ungrateful when they would give me "a raise" that would usually amount to half of what I should have been making an hour.
#5. I met my husband - the 'never worried and only does what he needs to do' guy. Taylor works like a machine - when he is at work. Then he comes home says what chores he will do, does them, and then he rests and plays his video games and the world continues on. I'll be honest it grated on me at first. I could NOT comprehend just doing something you enjoy doing when there's still some daylight left (scratch that I can work in the dark - we have electricity). At least I could be taking pictures for content creation later, or answering emails, or texting clients to follow-up, or prepping SOMETHING. This life-changing worldview still hasn't sunk in to me completely, and I DO NOT understand the no-anxiety thing. I think my baseline emotion is anxiety after all. But he gets the things done that he can, and does not concern himself with the rest. Mind-boggling. The concept of just doing things I enjoy doing without those things needing to be productive and efficient also... it was simply beyond my comprehension.
Gradually, I started to change. If I needed to take off work - I would take off work and I wouldn't apologize or compromise on it. It felt SO GOOD to walk out without a fight from toxic jobs and bosses. I've done it twice now. The most empowering, confidence-boosting experiences of my life were just walking away from these jobs that were draining me and crossing my boundaries repeatedly. I didn't need them - they needed me. Once I switched the dynamic in my head it made it so much easier to stand up for myself.
I read my Bible and learned more about the godliness of rest. It's wild that God let us know in the very first book of the Bible that we need a day of rest, and yet! We all still idolize being busy and wear our burnout badges on display.
Repeatedly Jesus took naps and it was recorded in Scripture, that He would get away from the crowd on purpose to rest.
Is our calling greater than His?
Is our work more important than His?
I don't think I have to answer that for you, I think you know! Just like I know.
So I started intentionally finding the time or MAKING the time to rest. Really rest. I even went on a mini vacation to an awesome Air BnB alone with my favorite snacks and a couple of good books to read and didn't look at my phone. It was soooooo uncomfortable and it felt like I was doing something I really shouldn't be doing! Like it was illegal and any minute a SWAT team would be at the door to arrest me and take me to jail for this!
And then something magical happened - my joy came back. I didn't even recognize it. There it was tucked hard in a corner from when I was a little kid and it came out hesitantly and then proceeded to overwhelm me. It had been gone for so long I thought I'd lost it for good and that's just how it goes for adults, just like, as adults we all drink coffee to be able to speak in full sentences, be awake, and move, right?
I cried as I giggled with the glee of finding out that this forbidden rest also afforded forbidden joy. It was delightful to spend time just talking to God alone and not needing to rush through my daily list of prayer topics so I could get to where I needed to be. I could soak it in. I could breathe.
I became addicted quickly to this rest thing. After once again overdoing it, overworking myself, overextending myself for very little thanks or compensation, I finally decided to say 'no' from now on to things I don't have the energy or time for. Even if I still feel guilty, and I definitely still fall back into old habits sometimes, I am not doing things out of guilt anymore. For one thing the Bible says if you don't do things out of a place of love, then it doesn't even count and will be burned up. If I'm resentful the entire time I'm doing what I said I would do - that's not out of love. BOUNDARIES+REST=JOY. If I don't want to do something I say, "no." and it's a complete sentence.
I even started playing these constarnded video games with my husband! And it's so much fun! We watch shows together and play games together and sometimes just dance around the kitchen like fools, because we both found the secret to joy and it's absolutely amazing! I'm (knock on wood) not sick often anymore! Isn't it amazing that when we take God at His Word and do what He says to do and what He modeled for us to do, that things turn out way better? Surprising, I know!
So, my first and best advice for your business strategy, career path, marriage advice, personal development - LEARN HOW TO REALLY REST.
(Even my skin looks better than it used to, I'm just saying! Lol)
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